


Jigsaw

by BeautifulBlues



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, F/M, Get back together, Homophobia, M/M, Modern Era, Some internalised homophobia, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulBlues/pseuds/BeautifulBlues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin broke up when Merlin moved away at 16, and they never thought they'd see each other again. It's been two years, and Arthur gets more than he expected when he moves into student accommodation for his first year of university.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jigsaw

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for prompt #14: "Arthur and Merlin broke up when one of them moved away at 16. It's been two years and now they are starting at the same uni."  
> Massive thank you to Ally & Leena, who were wonderful beta/cheerleaders even when I failed to give them stuff to read.  
> Can't thank the mods enough - this is a fantastic fest, and thank you for putting up with me being ridiculously unprepared and late.  
> Enjoy :)

_Arthur and Merlin, best friends and co-conspirators extraordinaire, met aged 12. Merlin stood up to Arthur when he and his friends were making fun of another boy, so Arthur promptly pushed Merlin over, helped him up again and adopted him into his friendship group. Merlin was far too baffled by this turn of events to protest, and soon found that if you frequently reminded Arthur how much of a prick he was, sometimes he wasn't. He was pretty cool, actually. He liked the same TV shows, and listened when Merlin talked, and laughed at his jokes._

_Soon the two boys went to each other's houses after school every day, to listen to music, drink tea and eat home made biscuits (at Merlin's), or watch TV, learn about each other's lives, and make each other laugh (at Arthur's). They laughed a lot. Uther, ever busy at work, didn't really notice Arthur's new friend, but Hunith basically adopted him - always making his sandwiches for lunch as well as Merlin's because she knew that a jar of Nutella and a spoon did not constitute a nutritionally balanced meal._

_Sometimes, Arthur and Merlin's knees touched when they sat next to each other to watch TV. Merlin found that, actually, he didn't entirely mind._

\-----------------------------------

Arthur smiles, the window wide open and the music playing at top volume, as he looks over from the passenger seat at his sister, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music. It had never been his plan to go to the same university as his sister, it had just happened that the best economics degree came from the same place as the best human rights degree. He calls it ironic, she likes to call it a curse, with that glint in her eye to say she's probably joking.

Either way, he's happy to be going somewhere Morgana has already been for a year, and is even happier that it means she can drive him to his new accommodation instead of Uther. He's sure Uther would have made the time, probably, but he wouldn't have wanted to. Arthur would much rather spend a long car journey with a sister who wants to be there than a father who doesn't.

And so, Arthur and Morgana sing and joke the time away until, finally, they reach the campus that will be Arthur's home for the next three years - Avalon University. Nice and far away from his father's home in Camelot, but close enough to Cardiff, and with some damn good nightlife of its own, so he's heard. The campus itself is quite small, an old central academic building surrounded by newer structures housing lecture rooms and student flats - not to mention the SU.

Arthur follows the hastily printed signs towards the atrium to sign in, and picks up the key to his residence, Myrddin 102. The name reminds him of - but, no. No matter. He'll be living in a single room - thank god! - on a floor with 7 other bedrooms (all male) and a shared bathroom and kitchen.

He returns to the car and ropes Morgana into helping him carry all of his things to his room, ignoring her jibes about him living in the middle of a sausagefest as they climb the single flight of stairs towards his room. He unlocks the door and enters - it's a typical uni room, with old carpet, miscellaneous pale coloured walls, a small single bed, and a well-used (though probably not for work) desk. It's perfect. He hears the door next to his open.

"Hi, I heard your door and thought I'd come say hi. I'm Merlin, I'll be - Morgana? What are you... Oh."

\----------------------------

_Merlin was 13 when he realised that he didn't quite feel the same about Arthur as he did about his other friends. He'd already known that Arthur was his best friend, so of course he liked him more than the others, but that wasn't quite it._

_Arthur had had his first kiss. A pretty blonde girl called Vivian had kissed him during the slow song at the end of the school Christmas disco. Merlin had been standing in the corner taking the piss out of the whole thing with the other boys - as they did at all the school discos, so god knows why they went in the first place - when he'd seen the two with their lips pressed tentatively together for a few seconds before they pulled away, each blushing profusely, and walked away towards their respective friendship groups - Vivian giggling and Arthur scowling as if daring any of his mates to mention it._

_Merlin had felt, for the first time, a burn deep in his stomach that tasted like jealousy. After a moment it hit him - with a soundtrack of a cheesy pop ballad, bad strobe lighting hurting his eyes, and a handful of those cheesy cracker things shaped like fish - that he wasn't, in fact, jealous of Arthur for getting to kiss Vivian. He was jealous of Vivian for getting to kiss Arthur._

\----------------------------

"Merlin."

"Arthur. What are you doing here?"

"Uni, obviously. Economics. What about you?"

"Literature."

"Figures."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just, you know, you like reading. Well, you always did. I assume you still do."

"Oh. Yeah, yeah I do."

The two boys - nearly men - stand, carefully avoiding eye contact and looking anywhere else. Merlin seems suddenly very interested in the stains on the threadbare carpet, and Arthur contemplates whether the wall colour might be Magnolia or Sand. Eventually, it falls to Morgana to draw her metaphorical scimitar and slash her way through the tense silence.

"Well, we still have more things to get from the car, coming Arthur?" Arthur follows her, taking great pains to avoid all physical contact with Merlin as he squeezes past him, and nearly runs straight into a petite brunette girl standing in the hallway.

"Hi!" She says, grinning - she seems to Arthur to be the sort of person who adds exclamation marks onto everything.

"Oh, hello. Are you living in this building?"

"No, no, I'm Freya! Merlin's girlfriend."

\----------------------------

_Merlin was 14 when it happened. He had been aware of his feelings for Arthur for a year by this point - suddenly it was Winter again, and Arthur was round at Merlin's house on Christmas Day. His father was working, naturally, so Hunith had invited him round for Christmas Dinner._

_They'd finished their meal and, full to bursting, the two boys had been excused to go and mess around with their presents in the living room as Hunith and Merlin's Uncle Gaius drank mulled wine and set the world to rights in the dining room._

_They were sat on the floor next to each other - they had been debating over which new videogame to play first, but the conversation had moved on to deeper, more important things. Their dreams. Goals, life plans. Their families._

_Arthur had been talking about his father - his disappointment that the man was never around, his anger that he was made to feel like he was never good enough, his love, despite everything else. Then suddenly the cloud of his brow lifted - he said "But that doesn't matter, I don't need him. I have you now." And as he did so his face lit up as if it had never known pain, and in that moment Merlin could have sworn the boy sat opposite him was formed of pure sunshine, of gold and joy and a hot cup of tea on a cold day._

_And Merlin could not stop himself. Later he would tell Arthur it had been an unavoidable physical inevitability, though Arthur would argue it was just because he was fit. Merlin, as if in a trance, leant forwards and pressed his lips to Arthur's. The kiss was soft, brief, chaste._

\-----------------------------------------

“Oh god. I don’t think I can do this.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Arthur, will you get out of the damn car?”

“Why is he here? With a girlfriend?”

“You haven’t seen him for two years, why do you care?”

“A GIRLFRIEND? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Sometimes your exceptional eloquence impresses even me.”

“Fucking hell, this is... Fuck. How am I supposed to live right next door to him?”

“This is getting boring now, you know. You can’t live in my passenger seat forever.”

“It’s just... Fuck.”

“Do you not know other words?”

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

“I don’t think you’re even listening to me. How rude.”

“But Morgana, it’s... It’s Merlin, you know? Merlin.”

Morgana sighs, the cracks in her brother's voice affecting her more than she'd like to admit. She's almost glad that he's currently hitting his forehead against the dashboard, as it means she doesn't have to see the expression on his face - she thinks that might make her more inclined towards violence than she'd intended to be on her first day back at uni.

“I know." She stands in silence for a moment, looking down at the broken boy sat in her car when he should be excitedly starting this new chapter of his life. She closes the car door on him - he doesn't even flinch - and walks round the car, sliding elegantly into the driver's seat. "Look, how about we go and grab a bite to eat for lunch? We can drive down to the Spread Eagle, have some food, have a beer, get the fuck over it then finish moving in, yeah?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

\----------------------------------------

_When he came to his senses and realised where his mouth was (though not, admittedly, the worse place it could be), Merlin turned an impressively potent shade of radish, backed away, and started babbling._

_"Oh god, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me -"_

_"Merlin."_

_"I didn't mean to, I didn't want it to happen like that, I'm sorry, I -"_

_"Merlin."_

_"I just, you were sunshine, and I couldn't stop, and -"_

_"MERLIN. Will you shut the fuck up for once in your life?"_

_"Um, yeah?"_

_"Good. Now come here." Arthur pulled Merlin in towards him again, his fingers gentle on the other boy's wrist as they shared lips, tongues, breath._

\----------------------------

When Arthur and Morgana return - a couple of £20 notes lighter on Morgana's part and a few beers heavier on Arthur's - Merlin no longer seems to be around, his door closed and his annoyingly exclamation marked girlfriend nowhere in sight. Arthur isn't sure if he's relieved or disappointed, so quickly banishes such thoughts from his brain in favour of moving the rest of his stuff into his room.

Once his room looks slightly more like somewhere he could start to call home (the posters and large bottle of jagermeister help, he thinks), Morgana disappears to join her flatmate, Gwen, in the small flat they share just off campus. For about half an hour, Arthur is at a loss as to what to do with himself, sitting awkwardly on the edge of his bed as if just waiting for life to happen to him. He then recalls, of course, that talking to people and making friends and being liked is what he does, dammit, it's what he's good at. With that in mind, he sets out to meet his other flatmates, wedging his own door open in a gesture of friendship as he knocks on theirs.

The rest of his flatmates seem mainly to be good guys; a couple of questionable personalities that he can foresee absolutely despising when they're drunk, but hey. Teaching students, what can you do. He gets on with one guy in particular, Lance, who is also taking economics and is also interested in joining the rugby team. They bond over sports and numbers, starting to drink as the afternoon turns into evening, and their friendship is cemented (for Arthur, at least) when Arthur mentions that he's attracted to guys, actually, so no he isn't particularly attracted to that girl that they can see out of the window, though he can see why Lance would be, and Lance doesn't bat an eyelid. The only other mention made of it is when Lance asks Arthur if he thinks that guy is fit, the one walking past. He's nearly gone by the time Arthur gets to the window, and it's dark outside after all, but the man's slender silhouette doesn't half look familiar. Arthur doesn't respond, and the whole thing is forgotten a couple of shots later.

\----------------------------

_They never really talked about the whole gay thing. They didn't feel like they needed to - it was never a Merlin-likes-boys and Arthur-likes-boys thing, it was always a Merlin-likes-Arthur and Arthur-likes-Merlin thing. They didn’t particularly talk about the relationship thing either, it was just generally assumed that neither of them would want anyone else - well, why would they, when they had each other?_

_It was never a conscious decision to keep it mostly secret. A couple of their closer friends knew, but none of them really cared one way or the other - one of the more observant ones was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner._

_Very little actually changed between them as they made the transition from best friends to couple: they treated each other the same. They still spent most of their days laughing and joking and insulting each other, but these days a feigned argument would end with a wink, or a knowing grin. Their evenings had changed somewhat: when resolving debates of who was the superior player of a certain game, instead of playing the actual game they would much more frequently decide that kissing was obviously the best way forwards. Less arguments were resolved, but neither of them were exactly complaining._

\---------------------------------------

It is Arthur's luck, of course, that the people that Merlin gravitates towards are friends with the people that he gravitates towards, and so by some twist of fate they end up in the same circle of friends. Those first few weeks, Arthur frequently finds himself tempted to separate himself from them in favour of hanging out more with the rugby lads, but he resents the idea that he should be the one to give up their mutual friends, and so doesn't. Plus the rugby lads are actually pretty boring.

By some unspoken mutual agreement, they do their best to act as though they've never met before. Their friends notice that something's up between them, but - with the exception of Morgana - they know nothing about their past, and just assume that the two guys have taken an instant dislike to each other for no apparent reasons. A couple of them (usually Gwaine and Lance) occasionally question it, but after several times of receiving silence and glares in response they pretty much give up. 

\-----------------------------------

_Merlin and his mother had been doing a jigsaw when he finally told her - one, he recalled, of fish. It led to some interesting similes regarding his relationship._

_"It's like we fit together, you know? Like we were created to complete and compliment each other. Like... Like a jigsaw. We're a two piece jigsaw, his bumpy bits fit into my gappy bits and vice versa." Merlin took a moment to concentrate on placing the puzzle piece he held in his hand before looking up at his mother, taking in her raised eyebrow and realising what he'd just said. He flushed bright red._

_"Oh god, no, that's not what I meant, you know what I mean! Oh my god, I can't believe I said that. Stop laughing, it's not funny!" Hunith was, of course, fine with it. Merlin thought he may well be scarred for life after not only his embarrassing oversight, but also the excruciating safe sex talk that followed it._

\----------------------------

One night, a group of them are sat in Morgana and Gwen's flat, just drinking and talking. Arthur and Lance are there, of course, as are Merlin and Gwaine. Leon is sat suspiciously close to Morgana, and Percival is making sure no one's drink runs dry. Gwen has brought two friends from her course, Elena and Vivian, having complained genially that she's always surrounded by boys and Morgana doesn't count because she can out-drink them all. Though considering both Elena and Vivian are gazing at Gwaine as if they've never seen a man before and Gwen is spending most of her time talking to Lance and Arthur, nothing much has been changed by their presence.

It is Gwaine, naturally, who suggests the game of never-have-I-ever. Any excuse to coax people's secrets from them while drinking heavily. They all agree, some more reluctantly than others, and work their way into a circle. Arthur considers, as he has done on more than one occasion in the past, that perhaps playing such a game with one's sister is not the best idea, as sometimes there are things that you just don't need to share with your siblings, but then remembers that he and Morgana know a probably unhealthily large amount of things about each other anyway, and a few more can't hurt.

Following universal social protocol, they start with fairly innocent things before it inevitably turns sexual. Percival claims never to have thrown up because of drinking too much, causing almost everyone to drink and Morgana to claim that that fact will be changed before the year is out. 

A few statements need a bit more of a background story than others. "I've never seen Star Wars", while controversial, is pretty self explanatory. The people who drink at "I've never punched anyone", though, are required to tell their stories.

For Arthur, everything goes fine and well until Gwen says "I've never had a tattoo", and the people who drank are forced to show the tattoo and tell the story behind it. After Vivian's inevitable butterfly tramp-stamp, the drunkenly decided-upon tribal on Gwaine's bicep, and the stylised fox behind Morgana's ear, it's his turn. He doesn't want to talk about it, but everyone saw him drink.

He undoes the top couple of buttons on his shirt and pulls it to the side, revealing the delicately shaded puzzle piece that rests on the skin over his heart.

"It took me ages to come out to my dad, and I always kind of assumed he'd be a complete dick about it, because he's useless at emotions and shit. But when I told him I was gay, he cried and hugged me, and told me that it had always been like I was a puzzle he was missing a piece of, and that was the missing piece. So, I guess it's because I'm proud of who I am, and to remind me not to be scared of how people react because they can surprise you. Also it was a thing with my first love."

It is Gwaine, naturally, who latches onto the one part of Arthur's speech that he hadn't wanted anyone to pick up on.

"First love? Jeez, Pendragon, how many have you had?"

Arthur wants to avoid everyone's eyes - especially Merlin's and Morgana's - but instead looks at Gwaine defiantly. "Just one."

No one notices Merlin drinking surreptitiously , or blushing red as a tomato when Arthur is speaking.

\--------------------------------

_Surprisingly, it was quite a while before they slept together. By the time it happened, they'd been together for over a year - it was the eve of new year's day, and the eve of Merlin's 16th birthday. They'd done other stuff, of course, they were teenage boys after all. They'd touched, kissed, licked, sucked - but never fucked._

_When it finally happened, it was far from perfect. It was awkward, painful, messy, and they carried on insulting each other and laughing the whole way through. They knew, though. They knew that each insult was an 'I love you' and an 'I'm glad you're here', and each breath of laughter was that of joy, not scorn._

_It was so utterly, perfectly them that neither of them would have had it any other way._

\----------------------------------

When Arthur finally catches sight of Merlin's tattoo, he has no idea how he missed it before. They are in a room full of people - Arthur talking to Lance, Merlin just getting up to offer Gwen a cup of tea - when Merlin stretches, his lean muscles going taut as he raises his hands above his head, tshirt raising to reveal a thin strip of pale skin. What seems to be a dark smudge on Merlin's hip catches Arthur's eye (and don't ask him why he's looking in that direction in the first place, he won't answer). Arthur looks closer, squinting, until the fuzzy shape becomes clear. A puzzle piece.

A motherfucking puzzle piece.

He doesn't even stop to think, just reacts. Arthur stands, stalks over to Merlin, grabs him by the elbow and drags him out of the room, ignoring the surprised yelp that he has caused. Once in the corridor he makes sure the door is shut behind him then pushes Merlin against the wall, crowding into his space.

"Arthur, what the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing! What the fuck is this?" Arthur tugs Merlin's top up a couple of inches, prodding the delicate linework on his hip. Merlin turns red, embarrassed and indignant.

"That's none of your fucking business is what that is."

"It's a puzzle piece."

"What if it is?"

"But that was..." Arthur suddenly speaks softer, more resigned, as if the fight has just deserted him. "That was our thing. Why do you have a tattoo of it?" His thumb brushes over the design on Merlin's hip, the movement instinctual.

"For, I guess, the same reason you have yours."

The two look at each other in silence for a moment then, simultaneously (though later each will blame the other) meet in the middle, their lips crashing together. The press of mouth on mouth is familiar yet somehow foreign: they have both grown and changed since their lips last met, but they taste the same.

They fit together as if they were never apart, hands back in familiar spots, mouths moving - hard then smooth, then just a hint of tongue - as if they never stopped.

And then, just as suddenly as it started, it ends, with Merlin coming to his senses and pushing Arthur's shoulders.

"I can't do this. Please, just don't." Merlin drags himself away, his eyes unable to meet Arthur's as he leaves him alone in the corridor, his lips bare but for the tingle that remains and the heat from Merlin's touch rapidly fading.

\--------------------------------

_Arthur and Merlin were happy for a long time. They were happy in the way that young love is - all-encompassingly._

_They weren't stupid about it though, they never made promises they didn't know they could keep, they never vocalised the things they couldn't be sure of. But they were sure._

_However much others - parents, teachers, friends - might have said that they shouldn't tie themselves down early, that they didn't know what life would throw at them, they knew that they were it for each other. Who needed anything else? They would face the world together and they would win._

\--------------------------------

For reasons that neither of them can quite fathom, it's the kiss that breaks the ice between them - after that, they start talking again.

It's minimal at first - Merlin including Arthur when offering cups of tea, Arthur making small talk when it's just the two of them in the room - but starts to grow - Merlin making fun of Arthur's attempt at facial hair, Arthur making sure Merlin actually eats when he's so focussed on his work he neglects any survival instinct he might have previously had.

Morgana starts to give Arthur increasingly worried looks, which he studiously ignores.

\------------------------------

_They always argued a lot, but it's never been a major issue - they liked to debate, they liked to bicker, but they loved the make-up sex even more. A couple of times they even argued just for the fun of the make-up sex._

_This was different. Arthur still hadn't come out as gay to his father and Merlin wasn't happy about it._

_How was he supposed to be happy with someone, he yelled, who was ashamed of him?_

_Arthur argued that he wasn't ashamed. Merlin didn't know what it was like to have a parent who wasn't as supportive as Hunith._

_Merlin had every idea, he replied, he'd spent just as much time with Uther in the previous few years as Arthur had._

_The argument was long and it was bitter. When it was done, Merlin slammed the door in Arthur's face and they didn't speak for two weeks._

\------------------------------

In bits and pieces, Arthur starts to learn about Merlin's life after he moved away from Camelot.

He learns about Ealdor, the small, very conservative village that they moved to.

He hears about Hunith's new job, how it paid much better than her previous position in Merlin's godfather's bakery but didn't make her happy. He hears that she's thinking of moving back to Camelot now that Merlin's settled into university. (This hurts. The only thing that kept him going after they left was that her new job would make them both happier.)

He learns about Will, who seems to have been the only good thing about the move to Ealdor. Will shares Merlin's stupid sense of humour and thirst for adventure, but none of his sense of self-preservation: the stories of their adventures make Arthur laugh and wince in equal measures (though he ignores the hint of jealousy that they also evoke).

He listens to Merlin complaining about some of the other people on his course, because "for fuck's sake, it's like none of them have even fucking read Dickens before! Even you've read Dickens!" (Arthur carefully didn't mention that actually, he'd never read Dickens. Merlin had read Dickens to him.)

Merlin doesn't mention Freya. Arthur doesn't ask.

\----------------------------

_While they weren't speaking, Merlin's mum gave him bad news. She'd got a new job - which of course he was happy about - in Ealdor._

_Ealdor was a tiny hellhole in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere. The opposite end of the country to Camelot. It was easily 8 hours drive away, and that would be without stopping for breaks, speed limits, other drivers, or traffic lights._

_It ended up being the reason he and Arthur started talking again, because whenever he got bad news Arthur - not just his boyfriend but his best friend - had always been his first port of call. They cried, apologised, punched each other and fucked._

_They didn't know what to do about the inescapable fact that Merlin was leaving so they ignored it and kissed 'sorry's into each other's skin instead. Sorry we argued. Sorry we still don't agree. Sorry you're leaving. Sorry I don't know what to say. Sorry I don't know how to fix this._

\----------------------------

In return, Arthur starts to share parts of himself.

He shares the story of coming out to his father, which was nowhere near as bad as he expected it to be.

He tells Merlin what their friends from back home are up to - Owain a couple of hours away from them on an Outdoor Education degree ("That's the same one as Will! I wonder if they'll meet."), Kay working at his dad's shop, Mordred trying to support his knocked up girlfriend.

He shares the story of starting a gay-straight alliance at their high school when he was in 6th form. Merlin looks surprised, but his eyes don't even try to hide the pride he feels. Arthur quickly changes the subject.

They start to get to know the changes in each other and delight in them just as they delight in the things that have stayed the same.

\--------------------------

_The following couple of weeks were tense. Awkward._

_They knew they had problems, but couldn't fix them, didn't know how. Arthur was still not out to his father, Merlin was still moving away, and they couldn't seem to get past that._

_When they spoke it had none of the easy comfort it had always had. It usually ended in an argument._

_They tried. Maybe they just didn't try hard enough._

\--------------------------

Naturally, this impasse couldn't last long, and it's Arthur who breaks. He tries not to, god knows he tries, but Merlin is there, and has started smiling at Arthur the way he used to. It's distracting, and makes it increasingly difficult to remember not only that they haven't been together for two years, but also that Merlin has a girlfriend. A girlfriend he hasn't spoken to or about in weeks, admittedly, but a girlfriend nonetheless.

So Arthur forgets. He forgets, and when Merlin gives him that smile, he feels the need to give him something in return. He leans forward - the room empty but them, the mood quiet - and presses his lips to Merlin's. The kiss is brief, chaste, before Merlin backs away, his eyebrows furrowed and cheeks reddening.

"Arthur, I've got a girlfriend." Of all the things Merlin could have said, this is the most incensing. The most infuriating. The most cutting. Arthur sees red.

"Have you, Merlin? Have you really? Because I don't know about anyone else, but I haven't seen her since the day you moved in, and you haven't so much as mentioned her name in weeks, so forgive me if I'm not all that convinced by your new-found devotion."

"How fucking dare you! Freya and I have been together for a long time, I care about her very much."

"Well that's interesting, seeing as the last time I saw you you were as gay as Christmas." By this point they are both standing, nose to nose as they seethe at each other, matching expressions of fury on their faces.

"Fuck you," Merlin breathes. "You have no idea what it was like. To come from Camelot, where no one bats an eyelid regardless of who you are and who you're with, to Ealdor, where they would have happily burnt me at the stake if they could have. I would have got beaten up every fucking day, Arthur, I couldn't do it."

"You fucking hypocrite! So Freya is your beard, is that it? After all the shit you gave me about my dad... After all that, you leave and stop loving me, and now-"

"I didn't stop loving you." Merlin gasps, surprised at his own outburst, his hands coming up to cover his mouth. Arthur stands open-mouthed, stunned into silence.

"I... I beg your pardon?"

"Well I didn't. I was angry, and you were angry, and I moved away, and things ended. But that doesn't mean I stopped."

The two men - no longer boys - stand in silence. Neither can take their words back, but neither particularly wants to. Arthur breathes heavily as if he's just run a marathon, Merlin doesn't seem to be breathing at all, just waiting for something, anything, to break through the quiet. It could be seconds or it could be hours before Arthur steels himself to say what needs to be said.

"You know what, Merlin? Make up your goddamn mind. Then call your girlfriend."

Merlin watches as Arthur turns and leaves, probably heading towards Morgana's flat for large amounts of chocolate and alcohol. Merlin is left alone, left with the decisions he made and the choices he has yet to make. He knows his time is limited - Arthur won't, can't, wait forever.

\-------------------------------

_"Arthur, I... I think we should break up."_

_"What?"_

_"It's just... We're moving to the other side of the country. Neither of us can drive, we're never going to see each other."_

_"But we'll, we'll find a way. We can get trains, and I'll get my dad to drive me, and-"_

_"How are you going to explain that to him if he doesn't know you're gay?"_

_The silence that followed was heavy, angry._

_"So that's what this is about?"_

_"No, I just-"_

_"Merlin, you fucking know what my dad's like. You know why I can't do this, I can't believe you're bringing this up again."_

_"Well if you can't do that, maybe I can't do this."_

_It didn't end with a crash and a bang, but with a fizzle and a whimper. They both left in tears, in love, in pain, and in no hopes of ever seeing each other again. Fate has strange ideas that way._

\-------------------------------

It's a week and a half before they see each other again. It doesn't sound like long, but in the insular, isolated world of university, it feels like an age.

Merlin knocks on Arthur's door, asking if he can come inside and talk. Arthur quickly shoos Lance out with careful communication through eyebrows, shuts the door behind him and opens beer for both of them, not even bothering to offer. He figures they'll both need it, regardless of how this conversation goes.

"So, how's class?"

"Oh really," Arthur sighs, "can we not do small talk? Can we just get straight to the point?"

"Okay. Well, I called my girlfriend."

"And?" Arthur doesn't even pretend to be cool and uninterested, he knows Merlin would see straight through it.

Merlin swallows, steeling himself. He's sure he made the right decision. He did, right? He must have, he's barely slept in over a week thinking this over. But maybe that was detrimental to the decision, maybe he should have - Arthur clears his throat nervously, bringing Merlin back to the room. Yes. He made the right decision.

"I told her it's not her fault. I told her I've met someone new."

Arthur doesn't look as relieved as Merlin expected. In fact, he looks just as nervous, as if he's still waiting for Merlin to say something else -

"Oh for god's sake, Arthur, you royal pain in my arse, it's you. It's always been you." And there it is, the beautiful sight of Arthur letting out every breath he's ever held in one go. He laughs seemingly from surprise just as much as joy, a single tear sneaking its way down his cheek.

"Fuck, you had me going there, you dick."

When they finally seal all their bullshit and all their love with a kiss, it's not their best. It's wet, kind of sloppy, there's far too much teeth and a bit too much laughter, and they spend the whole time going from tickling each other to punching each other and back again. It's so utterly, perfectly them that neither of them would have had it any other way.

\-------------------------

**Epilogue**

\-------------------------

Later that night, they re-learn each other's bodies. They trace old lines and lick new ones, paying special attention to the tattoos that link them and dragged them inexorably back together.

They kiss, touch, lick, suck, bite. They prove to themselves that they have each other back, and prove to each other that they're not going to leave again.

Merlin realises when Arthur has two fingers buried inside him up to the knuckle, splitting him open. He realises how much he missed this. He realised this is home.

And when they come, Arthur thrusting deep inside Merlin while stroking him roughly, they kiss, covering each other completely with their skin and their muscles and their love. In that moment it's like they've never been apart. They seem to no longer be separate entities, but perfectly joined like pieces of a jigsaw. They are ArthurAndMerlin, they always have been and always will be.

They are where they belong.


End file.
